Emotional Connection

Emotional connection is the heart of long-term relationships

Although vows and a commitment are made on the day of the wedding ceremony, the daily enacting of those vows is what keeps people committed. A relationship, even a marriage is not static. It is an ongoing active dynamic process.

The emotional connection is the overall positive feelings and bond between the two people in it. The strength of this connection is the summary of all the interactions at any given time. And just like a bank balance if there are too many withdrawals (negative interactions) and not enough deposits (positive interactions). Trouble is ahead.

The Disconnection Phase

The person with either more relationship awareness or whom has the highest bar for the level of connection desired will become dissatisfied first.

During this phase there will be lots of requests for actions that strengthen the connection like more affection, more time together, and more understanding and intimate sharing.

If these requests continue to go unmet they turn into criticisms/complaints that very often set off a chain reaction of fights and arguments.

The Withdrawal Phase

This phase often sees the ceasing of arguments and fights. To the more satisfied partner it can appear that things have improved because there is no outright conflict.

However, things have indeed worsened, as the dissatisfied partner checks out and withdraws. The withdrawn partner may become depressed and engage in unhealthy coping behaviors at this time.

Maybe they drink more or eat more or are spending more. Or they cope in seemingly healthier ways like over focusing on work or the kids.

Eventually they may even begin to hang out with friends of the opposite sex more. During this time the risk for the dissatisfied partner to connect with someone else is high.

The Moving On Phase

This is the phase when the dissatisfied partner regains some hope and energy. The only problem is the hope and energy come from deciding to be happier with someone else or just without their partner.

They begin to close off emotionally so that their emotions and logic are congruent. People don’t like ambivalence and with sometime of shutting off emotionally they are ready to move on.

This can come at the point a connection with someone else is discovered or the partner announces they wish to separate/divorce.

No matter where you and your partner are at…it just takes one

The earlier the disconnection process is halted, issues are addressed, and momentum is shifted back in the right direction the less pain and damage occurs for both people involved.

No matter where you and your partner are at in this process all that is required is one person learn the skills that are the most likely to reverse the process and rebuild connection.

I help couples learn together how to reconnect and meet each other’s relationship needs. I also help individuals gain the knowledge and develop the skills required to build a strong connection with their partner.

Please contact me (941)549-1521 if you’re interested in learning how to reconnect with your partner and have a great relationship.